Week 7 – Strong Emotions

A gesture

The way out is in.

When I am in fear, anger, despair or another painful emotion, the mind asks: how can I get out?
The body becomes more and more tense and in pain.
The mind cannot solve what it has created itself. That is why words cannot help except to remind us to stop, stop fighting for a moment. And to feel.

There is a practice or rather a gesture, simple but very courageous.
Close our eyes, lay a hand where the pain is recognized, and listen, feel, inhabit the painful physical sensation.

With the care and love of a mother who takes her crying child in her arms and patiently and gently rests with him, breathes with him. With no need to fix. Without the need to do, to fix.
It is not easy to do this once the ‘block of suffering,’ the ‘body of pain,’ has manifested.
But it is certainly within our capacity to do so when there is a little fear, restlessness, hurry, worry, a less intense rejection of life, as often happens in our day.

For this Thich Nhat Hanh offers us a calligraphy:
‘The way out is in’.

Emotional storm

by Thich Nhat Hanh

“A storm, when it comes, stays for a while and then goes away. It is the same with emotions: they come, they stay for a while, then they go away. An emotion is just an emotion. One does not die from an emotion. We are much, much more than an emotion.
When you notice that an emotion is about to arise, therefore, it is very important that you sit in a stable position, or you lie down, which is also a very stable position.
Then focus your attention on your belly.
Your head is like the top of a tree during a storm: I would not stay there.
Bring your attention down to the trunk of the tree, where there is stability.
After focusing on your belly, move your attention down, just below the navel, and begin to practice mindful breathing. Inhaling and exhaling deeply, be aware of the rising and lowering of the abdomen.
After practicing in this way for ten, fifteen or twenty minutes, you will find that you are strong, strong enough to weather the storm.
In this sitting or lying position, limit yourself to staying hooked to the breath, just as a castaway stays clinging to a life preserver: after a while the emotion will go away.
This is a very effective practice, but please remember one thing: don’t wait until you have a strong emotion to practice, then you won’t remember how to do it. You have to practice now, today that you feel good, that you are not dealing with strong emotion. This is the time to start learning the practice. You can practice every day for ten minutes. Sit and practice inhaling and exhaling, focusing your attention on your belly. If you do this for three weeks, twenty-one days, it will become a habit; then, when anger mounts or you are overwhelmed by despair, it will come naturally to you to remember the practice; if you succeed you will have faith in the practice and you will be able to say to your emotions, ‘Well, if you come back I will do exactly the same thing.’
You will no longer be afraid because you will know what to do.
Practice regularly.

When practice becomes a habit, if you don’t do it you feel like something is missing.
Practicing will bring you well-being and stability; and it will also have a good effect on your health. This is the best protection you can offer yourself. I always think that the energy of mindfulness is the energy of the Buddha, of the Holy Spirit who is within us and it protects us at all times.
Whenever you touch the seed of mindfulness and practice mindful breathing the energy of God, the energy of the Buddha is there to protect you. Once you learn the practice, you might like to explain how to practice to a friend, relative or your children, if you have any. I know mothers who practice with their children; they hold the baby or child’s hand saying, ‘Honey, breathe with me. As I breathe in I know my belly is rising. By exhaling I know my belly goes down’; they guide the baby or child in the breathing until he or she overcomes the emotion.
If you know the practice you will be able to generate the energy of stability and transmit it to another person, holding his or her hand.
You can help that person get through a storm undamaged; you may help save his or her life.
So many young people in our days do not know how to handle their emotions; the number of suicides is huge.
This is a simple but very important exercise.”

 

Listen to myself

by Etty Hillesum (1914-1943)

I think I can do it: every morning, before going to work, I will make the commitment to “turn inward” for half an hour, to listen to my inner self. “Immerse yourself in yourself”.
I might as well call it meditating. But I’m still a little scared by this word.
Well, why not? A quiet half hour inside me. It’s not enough to move your arms, legs and all other muscles well in the morning in the bathroom. A human being is body and spirit. And indeed a half hour of exercise, coupled with a half hour of “meditation” can build a vast foundation of stillness and focus for the entire day.
But it’s not easy at all, that “quiet hour” must be learned. Then all the junk and frills of human pettiness would be purged from within us.
After all, even a little head like mine is stuffed with a lot of petty worries.”

 

Staying within strong emotions

by Thích Nhất Hạnh

Whenever sadness or anger or disappointment arises you have the ability to cope with them.
Your anger, your disappointment are part of you; don’t fight against them, don’t repress them: it would be a violent act committed against yourself.
Whenever the storm of strong emotion emerges sit still, keep your back straight, return to your breath, return to your body, close all the windows of the senses.
You have six senses: eyes, ears, nose, tongue, body and mind.
Don’t look, don’t listen, and don’t keep thinking about the thing you believe to be the source of your suffering – that one sentence, that one letter, that one action, that one piece of news.
Return to yourself, take hold of your breath and follow it, strictly adhering to your inhalation and exhalation just as a captain keeps his grip on the ship’s rudder when she is tossed by the ocean waves.
Awareness of the breath is the anchor, the rudder, the mast.
Inhale a long breath, giving full attention to the inhalation and exhalation.
Pay attention to your lower belly, notice how it contracts when you exhale and expands when you inhale. Keep your attention at the level of your lower belly, don’t let it migrate to your head.
Stop all thought activity, strictly limit yourself to following the breath.
Remind yourself, “I’ve been through many storms. Every storm is bound to pass, there is no storm that lasts forever.
This condition of the mind will also pass.”

Everything is impermanent.
The storm is just a storm.

We are not just a storm; we can find ourselves safe right in the middle of the storm.
We will not allow the storm to do damage within us”.

When you can see things this way, when you remember to see it, you immediately begin to be in control of yourself and are no longer in an emotional storm.